you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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