all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
