she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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