If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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