You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
