But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
