You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
