i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
