got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you are never too drunk for berry picking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
