Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
