Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
