told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
