it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
