Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
