wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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