@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize