the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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