I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
