Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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