i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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