I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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