Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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