hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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