He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
