Sponge bath it is.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
