I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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