I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Two words: blizzard sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
