He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
