you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
