I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
