Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
