im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
