First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
