Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
