so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
