I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
