I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
