at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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