eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
