like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
