Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
