if only i could text you this smell
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
