she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You don't make any sense
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