I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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