Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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