If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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