I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
