So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
