i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
