Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
