Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
