you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Semen is not good for contacts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
