Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
