He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
