Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
