Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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