Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
