You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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