yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
