just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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