he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ladies don't puke and tell
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize