After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize