my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sarcasm needs its own font
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
