Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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