I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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