She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize