I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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