What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize