How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
