He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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